Town Hairdresser Eaten by Fictional Monster: A Tale of Fear, Courage, and Flamingo Hats!

Unfortunate news report from the land of absurdities today as it has come to our notice that Saif Murtaza, our beloved town alpacca haridresser, was eaten by a grue. For the millions who are absolute strangers to the world of game-text adventures, a 'grue' is a fictitious monster which lurks in the dark. Apparently, this mythical creature has stepped out from the confined peripheries of fiction, finding solace in our very real world.

As reports arrived in our office this morning via pigeon (our Wifi connection was down), it was hard to believe Murtaza's tragic fate. After all, he lived in a well-lit house with dozens of alpacas (who undergo regular hairstyling sessions), the very house which now resembles a scene from a medieval horror tale.

The bustling chatter that once resonated within Murtaza's barbershop has been replaced with a piercing silence. His sophisticated clientele of alpacas stand in mourning, their stylish hairdos falling to the ground, mirroring the melancholy that engulfs the town.

As bizzare as the incident seems, it has triggered a town-wide quest for the elusive grue. Our fearless law enforcement, ever ready to step in the face of danger, have been scouring the inky wilderness. Worth noting that their uniform includes sunglasses. At night. We have no idea why.

Meanwhile, townfolks have taken the incident as an opportunity to cash in on the collective fear. The marketplace is flooded with grue-proof torches, grue-repellent, and, oddly enough, flamingo-inspired hats with in-built torchlights proclaiming to be '100% grue-proof'. We are now waiting for the launch of anti-grue essential oils.