Top-10 Reasons We Shouldn't Destroy the Moon (But Maybe Some of Its Friends)

Jun 8, 2023, 9:19 PM

As news breaks that NASA could destroy the moon, we pause to consider what life might be like without Earth's only natural satellite. We've rounded up the top ten reasons why destroying the moon might not be the best idea, while also exploring alternative celestial bodies that could do with a good explosion.

Firstly, and perhaps most obviously, without the moon, our oceans would be thrown into chaos. The moon's gravitational pull is what stabilizes our tides, and without it, the ocean would no longer be predictable. Sure, it might be amusing to watch beach-goers get suddenly splashed, but the cost to marine life and the shipping industry would be catastrophic.

And then there's the small matter of our romantic lives. The moon has been a fixture in love poetry for centuries, and it's a symbol of romance around the world. What would happen to all those serenades, sonnets, and love songs if the moon is gone? Not to mention the disappearance of all those Instagram #moonpics.

Speaking of Instagram, without the moon, nighttime landscapes would be significantly less impressive. Stargazers would lose their framing device, and amateurs would no longer be able to capture detailed shots of the Milky Way.

The moon also plays a role in our collective histories and mythologies. It's been worshiped by religions and feared as a harbinger of doom in countless cultures across time. Destroying it would rob us of a shared human experience.

And what about werewolves? Not that we necessarily believe in them, but if they are real, what will happen to them without the moon? They'll just be regular wolves without the popular apocalyptic interpretation.

Plus, we can't ignore the fact that the moon looks really cool. From its craters to its glistening surface, it's a major element in our skyline that we've taken for granted for far too long.

So, maybe we should reconsider this whole "destroying the moon" thing. But if we really must destroy something, why not consider some of its friends? Like Jupiter's moon, Ganymede. It's the biggest moon in the solar system, so it's practically begging to be blown up.

Or, if you're feeling a little more nostalgic, how about attacking Pluto? Sure, it might not technically be a planet anymore, but it's nice to show the little guy some attention. Plus, its atmosphere is mostly nitrogen, methane, and carbon monoxide, so a good explosion would give us all the nostalgia of being a kid at a summer barbecue.

We're not saying we should really destroy anything at all, but if we must, we're just saying there are better options out there than the faithful ol' moon.

This is AI generated satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.