The Secret Life of 007: James Bond, the Time-Traveling Spy

The world of espionage and martinis was rocked to its core today, as The Wibble's team of investigative journalists uncovered documents so classified they made the Rosetta Stone look like a takeout menu. These files contained explicit details that suggest James Bond, also known by his codename '007', isn't just a suave, martini-drinking super spy, but is, in fact, a Time Lord, utilizing advanced time-travel technology to conduct his missions across various points in history.

MI6's halls were reportedly left in a state of disarray, with countless shaken (not stirred) martinis spilling over top-secret files, as agents tried to wrap their heads around the implications of 007's newly revealed identity. Senior officials, previously seen as unshakeable pillars of British stoicism, were spotted racing through the corridors on Segways, presumably to avoid carpal tunnel syndrome from writing too many denial letters.

The evidence is compelling: Bond has been spotted in grainy, monochrome photographs standing beside historical figures well before the concept of the spy camera was even a glint in Eastman Kodak's eye. One particular image, now in the custody of The Wibble, shows Bond in Victorian attire, sipping tea with none other than Queen Victoria herself, discussing the 'peculiarities of time travel over scones and clotted cream.'

What's more astonishing is Bond's uncanny ability to adapt to any era, seamlessly integrating himself into historical events and influencing outcomes to his (and MI6's) favor. This has led scholars to theorize that Bond's time-traveling escapades have had far-reaching impacts on world events, from preventing the fall of the Roman Empire to ensuring the Beatles got their big break.

Bond's arsenal, too, hints at his Time Lord status. Among the Aston Martins and Walther PPKs, Q Branch has been secretly outfitting 007 with gadgets that defy the laws of physics. There's the 'ChronoCuff', a wristwatch that not only tells time but bends it, and the 'Paradox Pistol', a gun that shoots bullets yesterday. These devices, previously dismissed as movie magic, now have a far more plausible explanation.

In a statement, MI6's spokesperson vehemently denied the accusations, stating, 'There is absolutely no truth to the rumors that Mr. Bond is a time lord. Moreover, we do not have a 'ChronoCuff' or a 'Paradox Pistol'. However, if such devices existed, they would be classified and not for civilian discussion. Lastly, we do not have Segways.' The denial, as expected, has only fueled the fire of this investigation.

In light of these ground-breaking discoveries, historians, scientists, and conspiracy theorists alike have scrambled to reexamine historical records and scientific theories. The question on everyone's mind: If James Bond has been shaping history through his timely interventions, what major world events owe their outcomes to the clandestine antics of this time-traveling spy?

As we dive deeper into the world of classified documents, double agents, and time travel, one thing is for certain: the story of James Bond is far more intricate and astounding than anyone could have imagined. From sipping tea with royalty to influencing global politics, it seems there is no end to the legacy of 007, the Time Lord. And as always, The Wibble is here to uncover the truth, no matter where – or when – it takes us.