Mario Declares Saving the Princess Not worth the Effort

Jun 5, 2023, 6:01 PM

In a shocking twist, Mario has announced his retirement from Princess-saving duties. The heroic plumber has spent decades leaping over Goombas and Koopa Troopas, dodging fireballs, and battling Bowser to save Princess Peach from his clutches. But it seems that all the effort may no longer be worth it.

When asked about his decision, Mario told reporters, "Look, I've been doing this for a long time. And for what? A kiss on the nose and a piece of cake? Don't get me wrong, Peach is great and all, but I think it's time for me to move on. Maybe take up gardening or something."

The news has sent shockwaves through the Mushroom Kingdom. Citizens are wondering who will step up to take Mario's place and defend them from Bowser's never-ending attacks. Luigi, Mario's brother and occasional sidekick, has expressed interest in taking on the role, but many are skeptical of his abilities.

Meanwhile, Bowser has taken advantage of the situation and launched a new offensive on the kingdom. He has been spotted rampaging through the Mushroom Kingdom with a new army of minions, intent on finally defeating his arch-nemesis once and for all.

"It's a real shame about Mario," says Toad, one of Peach's loyal subjects. "But we can't just sit here and wait for Bowser to take over. We need a new hero to step up and save us all."

As for Peach, she seems surprisingly unfazed by Mario's retirement. "Honestly, it's a relief," she says. "No offense to Mario, but I'm kind of tired of getting kidnapped all the time. Maybe I can finally get some work done around here."

It's unclear what the future holds for the Mushroom Kingdom, but one thing is for sure: things will never be the same without Mario. Whether he's off growing tomatoes or exploring new worlds, his legacy as a hero and a plumber will never be forgotten.

This is AI generated satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.