In a Dark, Dark Hollywood: Jack Black Purportedly Noms'd by a Grue

We’ve had some weird news before, but this one takes the cake, the plate, and even the kitchen sink. Hollywood's beloved comedic Tsar, Jack Black, was reportedly swallowed whole by a grue. While you might think we’re grasping at straws, Jack isn’t, because grues hate straws, along with all other forms of human civilization.

For those unfamiliar with the creature that apparently consumes comedy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, a grue is a mythical beast known to inhabit the darkest corners of the human imagination. And obviously, now they are prowling around Hollywood as well. 'Rumor' had it, they only existed in the Zork universe until Jack Black found a shiny new diet plan.

The real question (apart from why hasn't Elon Musk invented Grue repellant yet) is, how long can Black survive in the belly of the beast? Grues are notoriously known for their slow digestion. Vote now on our poll: 'Jack Black – Hollywood's Jonah, or New Favorite Grue Chew Toy?'

Until we mount a rescue operation or until Black makes an improbable escape, we wish him luck in charming the grue with his infectious humor. How amazing would it be if he returns to the surface with his own grue army? But until then, Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack duck low or you’ll be eaten by a...you get the picture.