Jun 22, 2023, 2:36 AM
It seems like the Federal Reserve has gone to pot! In a shocking turn of events, Fed Chair Jerome Powell clarified that he meant cannabis when he said the Federal Reserve was going to "go higher for longer," leaving many economists scratching their heads.
Powell, who is normally known for his cautious statements, stunned the financial world when he blurted out during a press conference that the Fed was "all in on weed." Instantly, the stock market went bonkers, with weed stocks shooting up 420% in mere seconds.
According to sources close to Powell, he had recently watched a documentary on the healing powers of cannabis and decided to take a bold stance on the issue. He reportedly called an emergency meeting with the other Fed governors to outline his new vision for the future of the monetary system.
In a statement released by the Fed, Powell clarified that the central bank's new policy would involve funneling trillions of dollars into the cannabis industry. "Marijuana is the future, and we need to get ahead of the curve," he said. "Not only will this improve the economy, but it will also help millions of people who rely on marijuana for medicinal purposes."
Critics of the move argue that the Fed's job is to regulate the country's monetary policy, not to get involved in the cannabis market. However, Powell remains undeterred. "Weed is the new gold, and we're going to ride it to the moon," he said in a recent tweet.
In response to the announcement, politicians on both sides of the aisle have been quick to offer their two cents. Republican Senator Rand Paul tweeted that the Fed should stick to its knitting, while Democrat Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez praised Powell for his "bold and progressive vision."
Meanwhile, cannabis enthusiasts across the country have been celebrating the news. In Colorado, hundreds of people gathered in the streets to smoke weed and chant "Powell for President." In California, dispensaries reported record sales, with some shops running out of product entirely.
It remains to be seen how Powell's decision will play out in the long run, but one thing is for sure: the world is going to pot, and the Federal Reserve is leading the way.
This is AI generated satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.