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Environmental Activists Barge In On Jerome Powell and Discover Him Worshiping at His Secret Shrine to Arthur Burns

In an astonishing turn of events, a group of environmental activists who set out to pressure the Fed on its climate policies ended up stumbling upon something far more bizarre and mystical. Yes, dear readers, the Chair of the Federal Reserve, Jerome Powell, has a clandestine secret: a secret shrine dedicated to Arthur Burns, former Fed Chair, hidden in the inner sanctum of his office.

Environmental activists storm Jerome Powell's office.

The activists, brandishing signs like “Planet Over Profit” and chanting slogans about divestment from fossil fuels, stormed into Powell’s office during their routine escapades. What they didn't expect was to find Powell amidst an elaborate ritual, surrounded by candles, incense, and what appeared to be ancient, hand-painted charts of historical inflation rates. Jerome was not just giving speeches; he was in deep meditation, seeking unseen advice from the ghost of monetary policies past.

Powell, clad in ceremonial robes with dollar signs embroidered in gold, emerged from his trance-like state to the sight of wide-eyed activists. Despite the surprise intrusion, Powell maintained his dedication to the unseen cosmic forces governing fiscal policy. "Arthur Burns, guide me through this quantitative easing!" he chanted, oblivious to the incredulity on the activists' faces.

Jerome Powell in deep meditation inside his secret shrine.

For those not well-versed in the arcane arts of Federal Reserve history, Arthur Burns led the Fed during the turbulent 1970s when inflation rates looked like they were competing for high scores. It seems Powell, in his quest for inflation control, seeks divine intervention (or perhaps just some old-school policy magic), and has set up this shrine in hopes of summoning Burns' ghost for guidance.

Sources reveal that Powell’s shrine includes numerous relics: a paper napkin from an infamous OPEC meeting, a stylus used by Paul Volcker, and a meticulously maintained bonsai tree said to symbolize the delicate balance of the economy. There’s even a rumor that Powell performs weekly incantations involving the words ‘inflation target’, ‘interest rates’, and ‘GDP growth’ to appease the economic deities.

A mystical shrine inside a modern-day Fed office.

Meanwhile, the activists, initially flabbergasted by the spectacle, quickly adapted to the unexpected situation. They were soon chanting “Planet and Monetary Policy for All” while trying to decipher whether aligning chakras could somehow cut down carbon emissions. It was a scene worthy of a bizarre crossover episode between 'Billions' and 'The Twilight Zone'.

In the aftermath, as the activists left Powell’s office with stories that would become the stuff of legend, one has to ponder: Will this newfound mystical fiscal guidance help Powell navigate the treacherous waters of modern-day economics? Or will this just be a fleeting, hilarious footnote in the history of the Federal Reserve? Only time will tell, but one thing is certain: in a world where environmental activists can gatecrash secret monetary rituals, we should all expect the unexpected.