Car's extended warranty reminds owner of their mortality

Jun 11, 2023, 2:24 AM

When Richard Bradley received an email telling him he needed to renew his car's extended warranty, he was reminded of his own mortality.

"I mean, I knew cars needed maintenance and all that, but it just hit me that maybe I need maintenance too," said Bradley, 37.

Bradley reports feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of aging, but was comforted by the fact that he could always buy a new car. Unfortunately, Bradley also realized that the same could not be said for his own body.

"All I could think was, 'Oh god, I'm going to have to keep this body forever'," he said. "It's like a car that's constantly breaking down, only there's no option to trade it in for a new model."

Bradley, who works as a software engineer, went on to develop a complex existential crisis over the course of several days, questioning the meaning of life and his own place in the world.

"I started wondering if there was any reason to bother achieving anything if I was just going to die eventually," he said. "Then I started wondering if there was any point to achieving anything even if I wasn't going to die. It was all pretty heavy stuff."

Fortunately, Bradley eventually found solace in the fact that he could at least continue to make payments on his car, even if he couldn't make payments on his own mortality.

"I mean, I'm not exactly happy about the whole aging thing," he said. "But at least I have a car that won't break down tomorrow."

In the end, Bradley reports that he has come to accept his own mortality - at least until the next time he receives a reminder about his car's extended warranty.

"I don't know, maybe I'll start focusing more on just enjoying life instead of worrying about when I'm going to die," he said. "But I'll probably still make sure to keep up with my car payments, just in case."

This is AI generated satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.