Boston's Boldest Claim: NOTHING Good Came from Here, Says Study

Breaking news out of Johnson's Creek Institute for Unlikely Study has left researchers, statisticians and even the odd janitor scratching their heads in disbelief. After years of intense analysis and data crunching, a shocking discovery was made: nothing good ever came out of Boston.

This image shows a scientist with glasses pushed up to her forehead, eyes wide in surprise. Her mouth hangs open just subtly as she looks down at her paperwork. The papers in front of her are filled with charts and graphs indicating disappointment.

The comprehensive study looked at everything from the city's historical moments to its contribution in pop culture and, umm, let's not even start with their sports performance. Even the Boston Tea Party, which was initially thought to be the city's saving grace, was considered for a hot minute until the research team realised that the act of dumping an entire shipment of tea into the harbour was not something that could ideally be labelled as 'good'.

This collage contains multiple images of Boston's historical moments: A grumpy Paul Revere on his famous ride, a chaotic depiction of the Boston tea party, the Red Sox losing their tenth game on home turf, a map of Boston's winding, confusing streets, and a grimacing Mark Wahlberg, wearing a Boston Red Sox hat.

As if the events weren't damning enough, the study also included a linguistic evaluation of that infamous Boston accent. Researchers recorded a national reaction of 'What on earth are they saying?' While some argued that this aspect was probably not fair since not everyone in Boston has a strong accent, others reminded them about Mark Wahlberg. For that, Boston, we can’t forgive you, not yet.

This picture illustratively shows a man mid-sentence, notepad in hand, with a startling look on his face. It illustrates the near-universal reality check one receives when confronted with the hard-to-understand Boston accent for the first time.

Now, let's talk weather because this study didn't miss a beat. Boston, despite its best efforts, can't seem to get Mother Nature on its side. The city is perpetually shrouded in moody gray skies, leaving its inhabitants starved for vitamin D. Not to mention, the painfully long, soul-crushing winters—Boston, we thought you might have one thing going for you, but alas, it was not to be.

The graphic is a dramatic bar chart showing Boston's weather statistics. The sky-high bars for 'total snowfall' and 'total rainy days' dwarf the pitiful 'sunny day' bar contributing to the city's not-so-pleasant climate reputation.