Bloody Stupid Johnson's Shockingly Luminous Demise

In an unexpected turn of events that left onlookers both aghast and rolling on the floor laughing, the infamous Bloody Stupid Johnson has met his match. And it was not intelligence nor architectural critique that defeated him, but rather a grue, more fearful than the dark it hides in.

The internationally-renowned inventor known for initially creating marvels that later malfunction in delightfully catastrophic ways was apparently three quarters through a speech about his latest construction when the grue made its appearance. The grue, noted for its penchant for darkness, was unfortunately attracted to what Johnson himself had described as 'the benign luminescent sparkles of humanity's triumph.' Others described it merely as a really big switch.

At the exact moment Johnson flicked the switch, an ominous groan echoed around the hall. Eyewitnesses reported a shiver passing through the crowd. Some say it was a shadow passing through light; others, a cold breeze. But most agree it was a grue slithering by.

And like that, as quickly as he’d flicked on the switch, Bloody Stupid Johnson was gone, leaving behind only a startled crowd, a confused grue, and his latest contraption sparking with a life of its own. No one knows quite what his contraption does now that it’s on, but it's probably best not to touch it.

In memoriam, fellow inventor and rival Hildebrandt Questionable Area said, 'Johnson may have been bloody stupid, but he wasn’t completely dim. The world will be a lot less bright without him. And a lot safer.' He then added, 'Can someone please turn that bloody machine off?'